Make Your Devotion Attractive

If you consider yourself a devout Catholic, then your devotion should be the most attractive part of your personality. Like turning on a light, your devotion should radiate over every other aspect of your character, enriching it with warmth and goodness. Whether you work a career or are a full-time parent or spend your days as a volunteer, your piety permeate these activities in such a way that it is attractive to others—in a way that makes others say, "I want what they have."

Sometimes, however, I think, we can get a martyr-complex, obsessing over the idea of being misunderstood and vilified. We remember such verses as "If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first" and "Anyone who seeks to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" etc. (John 15:18, James 4:4) and use them to paper over the fact that, on a personal level, we may just be irritating to be around. We think that we are supposed to cause scandal, that people are supposed to be confused and annoyed by our piety; after all, are we not called to be a "sign of contradiction"? (Luke 2:34) We get to a place where we almost relish offending normies and outsiders and wear it like a badge of honor. We offend people by our overbearing demeanor and bad interpersonal habits and then convince ourselves that the cause of people's aversion to us is the faith. I have occasionally seen parents whose religiosity is so oppressive, so imperious that it makes the faith noxious to their children; then, when their adult children leave off practicing the faith, the parents wonder how "the world" lured their kids away, never for a moment considering it was likely their own exasperating behavior that drove their kids from the Church.

Of course, we are to avoid being contaminated by "the world"; and Jesus warns us to beware when the wrong crowd speaks well of us (cf. Luke 6:26). But that does not mean we are supposed to be thorns in the flesh of the people we encounter. We Catholics should be the sweetest of all people to interact with. Sometimes, of course, friction will be unavoidable. Some people simply hate the faith and hate what we stand for, and the very name Catholic will arouse their ire. But short of this, we should make every effort to win over those around us by our wholesome demeanor, not only within our circles, but outsiders as well.

St. Paul says, "I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some" (1 Cor. 19:22), meaning that he puts himself at the service of all in order that the sweetness of the Gospel might be made manifest. The passage is worth reviewing in its context:

To those outside the law I became as one outside the law...that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. (1 Cor. 9:21-23)

The New Testament does direct us to take account for how outsiders perceive us. Look at what St. Paul says to the Church of Thessalonica:

But we exhort you, brethren, to do so more and more, to aspire to live quietly, to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we charged you; so that you may command the respect of outsiders, and be dependent on nobody. (1 Thess. 4:10-12)

He tells them to command the respect of outsiders. Similarly, in his epistle to Timothy, Paul says that one of the qualifications for a bishop is that "he must be well thought of by outsiders" (1 Tim. 3:7). Notice that Paul does not say, "Who cares whether outsiders think well of him? We're supposed to be hated by the world, right? The more worldlings that hate him, the better." On the contrary, Paul believes that a bishop should be well respected, even among those outside of the household of faith. 

The early 3rd century Church Father Tertullian tells us that Christians in his day had a reputation for wisdom and moral virtue that was recognzied even by the pagans:

“A good man,” says one, “is Gaius Seius, only that he is a Christian.” So another, “I am astonished that a wise man like Lucius should have suddenly become a Christian.” Nobody thinks it needful to consider whether Gaius is not good and Lucius wise, on this very account that he is a Christian; or a Christian, for the reason that he is wise and good. (Apology, Chap. 3)

Does our Christianity make us wise and good? Does it imbue our actions with goodness and our judgment with wisdom? Or is our piety something that has little effect on our daily demeanor? Or, worse, do we use it as an excuse for being an obnoxious human being? Do we justify our harsh and overbearing approach to parenting by calling it godly discipline? Have we convinced ourselves that the Catholic spiritual life necessitates existing in a continual state of sadness and suffering, such that we are dreary and miserable to be around, because we think that's what carrying the cross means? Do we tell others to "offer it up" merely as a pious cover for our own callous lack of sympathy?

In conclusion, I will cite a very lovely passage I came across in the writings of St. Francis De Sales, in his Letters of Spiritual Direction. Here St. Francis advises that our devotion will not have evangelical appeal unless it is attractive—and by attractive, he means "useful and pleasing." De Sales says:

You must not only be devout and love devotion, but you must render it lovable to everyone. Now you will be able to make it lovable if you render it useful and pleasing. The sick will love your devotion if they receive care and comfort from it; your family will love it if they see you more attentive to their well-being, more gentle in handling your duties, more kind in correcting, and so on; your spouse will love it in seeing that, as your devotion increases, you become more warm and affectionate; your relatives and friends will love it if they see you more free, supportive of others, and yielding to them in matters that are not contrary to God's will. In short, you must, as far as possible, make your devotion attractive. (1)

When you pray the Rosary with your children. When you attend Mass with your family. When you are peforming the duties of your state in life. When you are engaged in works of mercy. These should be the moments when you are at your absolute sweetest, kindest, most generous, most pleasant to be around. So that your children, co-workers, friends will see what a wholesome influence the faith is upon you, how your moments of devotion are when you are at your best and highest.

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(1) Golden Counsels of Saint Francis de Sales, ed. Mary Paula McCarthy VHM, Mary Grace McCormack, VHM. Trans. Peronne Marie Thibert, VHM (Monastery of the Visitation: St. Louis, MO., 1994), 15.