This week I was brought into a parish to give a series of confirmation talks to young people preparing for the sacrament. The talks were a smashing success; the kids were locked in, attentive, asked good questions, took copious notes, and in every respect seemed to treat the subject matter with the gravitas it deserved.
It was not the first time I have given such talks; I did the same talks at a different parish last year and frequently had to do confirmation talks when I was a DRE. In my years as a youth director I had to do weekly talks and since then have spoken hundreds of times about God to teens. These experiences have convinced me of a few things about how these parish events for youth should be handled.
The Capacity of the Youth for Religious Engagement
The capacity of young people for serious engagement is vastly underappreciated, both in Church and society at large. Young people are capable of mature, serious understanding of weighty topics, but they follow the tone the adults set for them. If adults create a youth event that is full of silliness and banality, then young people will approach such events with a corresponding level of frivolity. Young people exist in between two worlds; they are children, but adults in potentia—they are immature and silly, but within lies a deeply rational mind struggling to break forth like the shoot of a flower bursting from the soil. If you appeal to that sprout, they will respond beautifully; they will grow and blossom right before your eyes. But if your event appeals to the immature and the silly, they will respond in kind. I hate how infanitlized kids are today. It does them are terrible disservice. Young people are fully capable of engaging with serious religious content in a fruitful manner. When I speak, I let them know at the outset that these are going to be serious talks and that I believe in their capacity to take them seriously. It is amazing how the kids will suddenly engage once they realize you are actually demanding something serious from them. They lean forward. They are attentive. They take notes. They listen. Kids will absolutely rise to your expectations. They want to be challenged.
The Capacity of the Youth for Religious Engagement
The capacity of young people for serious engagement is vastly underappreciated, both in Church and society at large. Young people are capable of mature, serious understanding of weighty topics, but they follow the tone the adults set for them. If adults create a youth event that is full of silliness and banality, then young people will approach such events with a corresponding level of frivolity. Young people exist in between two worlds; they are children, but adults in potentia—they are immature and silly, but within lies a deeply rational mind struggling to break forth like the shoot of a flower bursting from the soil. If you appeal to that sprout, they will respond beautifully; they will grow and blossom right before your eyes. But if your event appeals to the immature and the silly, they will respond in kind. I hate how infanitlized kids are today. It does them are terrible disservice. Young people are fully capable of engaging with serious religious content in a fruitful manner. When I speak, I let them know at the outset that these are going to be serious talks and that I believe in their capacity to take them seriously. It is amazing how the kids will suddenly engage once they realize you are actually demanding something serious from them. They lean forward. They are attentive. They take notes. They listen. Kids will absolutely rise to your expectations. They want to be challenged.
Vivid Imagery, Not Abstraction
That's not to say there is not limitations. Age has to be taken into account. Confirmation-age kids, for example, are not generally capable of engaging with content which is overly abstract. Most children do not do well with abstract thought until they are at least 11 or 12. They require lots of concrete examples to flesh out the concepts. Like St. Paul, I am fond of drawing parallels from athletics, but I also like examples taken from art, history, nature, and life experience. What I avoid, however, is drawing on pop culture references or movies; I try to avoid the introduction of anything that could be construed as frivolous. Religious talks need to be grounded in vivid imagery that can speak to children's imaginations. When speaking to kids, the mind engages by way of the imagination, so I make sure to provide the imagination with lively, memorable images and examples.
Also, I keep the talks very short. If it is a retreat, as the event this week was, I do 3-4 talks of 15 minutes each spread throughout the day. They are also very structured—"In this talk we're going to talk about four things being a disciple means"; "Let's talk about five types of prayer," etc. I announce what we will be covering, give it a predictable structure, and stick to it.
That's not to say there is not limitations. Age has to be taken into account. Confirmation-age kids, for example, are not generally capable of engaging with content which is overly abstract. Most children do not do well with abstract thought until they are at least 11 or 12. They require lots of concrete examples to flesh out the concepts. Like St. Paul, I am fond of drawing parallels from athletics, but I also like examples taken from art, history, nature, and life experience. What I avoid, however, is drawing on pop culture references or movies; I try to avoid the introduction of anything that could be construed as frivolous. Religious talks need to be grounded in vivid imagery that can speak to children's imaginations. When speaking to kids, the mind engages by way of the imagination, so I make sure to provide the imagination with lively, memorable images and examples.
Also, I keep the talks very short. If it is a retreat, as the event this week was, I do 3-4 talks of 15 minutes each spread throughout the day. They are also very structured—"In this talk we're going to talk about four things being a disciple means"; "Let's talk about five types of prayer," etc. I announce what we will be covering, give it a predictable structure, and stick to it.
Small Groups Are Stupid and Literally No One Wants To Do Them Ever
I insist that the event not include small groups or "break out sessions." These are useless, awkward, and everybody hates them. Nobody wants to share in a small group setting, it tends to favor the talkative children over the quiet, and most people only participate or speak out of sheer obligation rather than a genuine desire to share anything of value. Most people's experience of small groups—whether as kids or adults—is that they are something to be suffered through, a painful cross to be borne for twenty minutes before gratefully moving on to the next thing. Why impose one of the most unpleasant of experiences on kids at a confirmation retreat? Instead, I ask them to go into the church and spend twenty minutes in quiet time after each talk, either praying or journaling. Time in introspection is far more valuable than small groups and helps maintain the appropriate tone.
Focus on Basics
I keep the talks focused on the basics, things that would be necessary for any serious Christian to have a solid grounding in. For example, this week I did the following:
I insist that the event not include small groups or "break out sessions." These are useless, awkward, and everybody hates them. Nobody wants to share in a small group setting, it tends to favor the talkative children over the quiet, and most people only participate or speak out of sheer obligation rather than a genuine desire to share anything of value. Most people's experience of small groups—whether as kids or adults—is that they are something to be suffered through, a painful cross to be borne for twenty minutes before gratefully moving on to the next thing. Why impose one of the most unpleasant of experiences on kids at a confirmation retreat? Instead, I ask them to go into the church and spend twenty minutes in quiet time after each talk, either praying or journaling. Time in introspection is far more valuable than small groups and helps maintain the appropriate tone.
Focus on Basics
I keep the talks focused on the basics, things that would be necessary for any serious Christian to have a solid grounding in. For example, this week I did the following:
Talk 1: What Does It Mean To Be a Disciple? (four traits of discipleship—this is a talk focusing on what "following Jesus" means concretely; again, taking an abstract concept like "being a disciple" and breaking it down into something very concrete and actionable).
Talk 2: Fighting the Good Fight Against Sin (a talk that gives very practical advice about overcoming our daily faults and using the sacrament of confession to make spiritual progress)
Talk 3: Persevering in Prayer (this talk discusses the importance of building stable habits of prayer, similar to what I wrote here. We also review the different types of prayer and go over practical tips for integrating prayer into one's daily routine)
Talk 4: Making Friends With the Saints (discussing the dual function of the saints as role models and intercessors and how to cultivate devotion to the saints as a means of growing in virtue)
These are all foundational subjects that can be broken up into very concrete, actionable admonitions buttressed by colorful examples that young people can really sink their teeth into. I have had great success with these sorts of talks.
My Spicy Take...
Of course, this all presupposes that one is capable of and competent at speaking to young people, and the reality is that not everybody is. Here I have room to boast. There are few things I can do really well in life, but talking to young people is one of them. The quality of communication makes all the difference. A simple person who gives a basic message but is better at communicating with kids is preferable to someone who is more sophisticated but worse at talking to children, whether priest or layman. I absolutely think a priest should be part of a child's spiritual formation, but giving talks might not be the best expression of that. Holy Orders does not magically make one skilled at talking to children. I remember one priest I knew twenty years ago who had the bad habit of making every talk about Aristotelian metaphysics (and he wasn't even good at it). He'd give a deep dive into Aristotle with 6th and 7th graders; good heavens, those kids' eyes were so glazed over that they belonged in a Krispy Kreme display case. A lot of parishes will trot a priest in to talk because "the kids should hear from father," but the priest really isn't cut out for it. If you want Catholic youth to respect their priests, forcing them to listen to talks from one who can't communicate with young people is a counter-productive way to do it. Instead of thinking, "The kids need to hear a talk from father," think, "The kids need to experience father as a spiritual leader." That may or may not include giving these sorts of talks. If father is great at communicating to kids, by all means, yes! But if not, it shouldn't be forced. There's other ways a priest can lead and instruct without giving a formal talk.
Of course, a priest can do what he wishes and ultimately no one can tell him no. I just wish more priests were self-aware of their own limitations in this regard.
Conclusion: Rise to the Occasion
Too often kids' events in the Church are treated as an afterthought. We do not assign them the same level of gravitas or forethought we do to adult-oriented classes and programs. I have been blessed to be part of serious, thoughtful youth events and seen the real religious potential of young people that most parishes leave on the table. It's been truly inspiring over the years to see how well young people respond to grace when we don't put obstacles in their way.
Incidentally, if you are somewhat nearby and interested in having me come do talks for your young people (either in the context of confirmation or anything else) please do hit me up. I have 20+ years experience speaking to the youth and can provide references. "Somewhat nearby" means Ann Arbor, Lansing, Battle Creek, Kalamazoo, Detroit, Flint, Toledo, Grand Rapids, Saginaw, Bay City, Midland, South Bend, Fort Wayne, Port Huron, Gary, Hammond, Cleveland, Muncie, Chicago, Columbus, Dayton, Akron, Traverse City, Indianapolis, or London, Ontario. If you want to talk about an event message me at uscatholicam@gmail.com. Pax.
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